Always, Always Swing For the Fences

This week has been crazy at work with meetings, meetings, and meetings. But there was a big take away from it, which was surprising in the end. We spent about 3 hours learning about our different personality types. My first thought was, really? I know my personality and I'm happy with it. There is a science to your personality. How you communicate, how you need validation, and how to be receptive and understanding to others who aren't your personality type.

This test was called the Myers-Briggs test. Basically, two psychoanalysis's were like, "Hey, lets create this test about personalities for people to learn more about themselves.. blah blah blah." It was almost 100 questions, but it was all worth it in the end. There were 8 categories, basically opposites of each. (How we work together as a team. How we can communicate and grow together.)

After this week, I have learned a valuable lesson. You know when you have this brilliant idea, you feel the passion behind it, and when you execute it just they way you pictured, you get this high and addrenaline that you nailed it. I'm a creative type, so this is the feeling that I live for. I presented it to the big bosses of the department. At first, they loved it. We talked about how this will open doors to other channels, etc. Then that afternoon, my boss told me that the project was not really the representation that they had hoped.

A year ago if this happened, I would have stormed out of the office, going straight to the bathroom, and crying in the stall. I put my heart into this. I love my job and what I am able to do. But today was different, different for the better. I didn't leave the office crying. I wasn't upset or angry. I felt disheartened. I felt confused. BUT I didn't blame myself. I didn't question my worth. I didn't feel like I let my team down. I felt like this is not the end of my project.

I have been competitive all my life, and still am to this day. I want my ideas to be out of this world. I want to stand out and remembered as myself. I have played sports since I was 4yrs. old. I treat everything like a sports game. (Mostly baseball because it's my life, blood, and passion.) ANYWAYS. So in my terms, this is how today went.

It's the 6th or 7th inning of the game, the score is let's say, 5 to 3 my team in the lead. I'm up to bat. So far, I've had a few single hits, but nothing to gain a scoring run. But this time, I have 2 teammates on base. (Second base and Third base). Two outs and I step into the batter's box. First pitch, low inside. My presentation got some criticism, constructive I would say, but nothing bad. Second pitch, high outside. We collaborated a plan to how the project would play out through 2017. The third pitch. I have the feeling in my gut that I nailed it. My project was going to make a huge difference in my work, and set my team up for innovation over the next year. Here comes the fastball, right down the middle. I hit the ball and it's soaring through the outfield. The outfielder is running fast back too the wall. It's going to be out of the park. Then the player catches it over the wall. My project got declined, for whatever reasons. Some would probably say, well you left your teammates hanging, left on base. Yes, but. We're a team. We are still ahead in the score and the game isn't over. I gave that hit all my of swing and pushed out the power I have.

My team has my support. They encourage me to swing for the fences. If the opportunity arises for our team to "take the lead", then everyone comes together to go for the win. Is it a shutout everytime? No. Is it a complete beating? No. But it's a part of life. You will have different games everyday. You never know what the next pitch will be. The most important thing is you have the best team you can be with. Your team is your support. It's not an individual sport. You can be on a ton of teams. Family, friends, co-workers, groups, etc. My co-workers are family. We carry and push and encourage the best out of us. Together. Today didn't go as I had wanted to for something I worked hard on, but it's doesn't stop me. I want to get right back in the batter's box. It's true. If you love what you do, you'll never work a day in your life. Next time you're around your team or teammate, tell them thank you. Tell them that you appreciate them. Tell them they are important on your team. Different personalities, different communication, and different signals are the not the same for everyone.

When they say swing for the fences, do it. Swing with everything you have. You deserve that chance to bat. You deserve to be apart of a team of support that wants that home-run as much as you do. And if you don't hit it, they are still there cheering for the next time.

Babe Ruth said it best, "Never let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game."

-DC

"Don't Give Up... Don't Ever Give Up."

Jimmy Valvano was one of the best basketball coaches of all the time. I have played basketball all of my life, so his story is especially meaningful to me. BUT if you don't know anything about sports, he will motivate you too. 

Jimmy V. was the head coach for North Carolina State in late 80's-90's. He was basically a stand-up comedian who coached college basketball. His team was the true definition of the Cinderella Story. The underdogs who shocked the world to come from the bottom to take the Men's NCAA Championship in 1983. Besides his huge personality, fans remember him running up and down the court with his team cheering, hugging teammates after the win. He went on to be a sports broadcaster for ESPN and ABC Sports. 

In 1992, Coach V. was diagnosed with a type of bone cancer. Shortly after this speech, he passed away. 

THIS. THIS VIDEO.  This is the famous speech that he gave at the 1993 ESPY's for winning the Arthur Ashe Courage and Humanitarian Award. Please watch it. Please take the time to listen to all of it. It is a longer video, but it will change your life. This video will change your perspective of life. 

"To me, there are three things we all should do every day. We should do this every day of our lives. Number one is laugh. You should laugh every day. Number two is think. You should spend some time in thought. And number three is, you should have your emotions moved to tears, could be happiness or joy. But think about it. If you laugh, you think, and you cry, that's a full day. That's a heck of a day. You do that seven days a week, you're going to have something special."

To learn more about Jimmy V., read here.

This video always gives me chills and makes me on the verge of tears. It immediately makes me feel like I have a great life. I want to accomplish so much more. These 3 things he talks about, I still try to do everyday. And we all should. It's easier said that done, but we can make it a goal for everyday. 

There will be bad days. There will be hard days, and days you don't want to do anything but lay in bed. But we have to try. We have to find one thing a day that makes us laugh, think, and moved to tears. If you can't find 3 in a day, just shoot for 1. 

Please visit The V Foundation for Cancer Research for more information about donating. 

-DC

To the People Who Chose to Leave Me

I want to write a letter to everyone in my life who have left because they couldn't handle my anxiety and depression. I want you to know how you have changed my life. How at that time, I needed you and you decided to leave. This is for you.

To the people who left:

- You said I was over-reacting and being selfish.
- You said I was the problem and begging for attention.
- You said I needed to forgive the person who gave me the trauma.
- You said I deserved what happened.
- You said therapy wouldn't work.
- You said I would never change.
- You took the easy way out and left.

But you could've have been anymore wrong. You changed my life for the better. At the time, I thought I was never going to get through pain. I was told numerous times that people would come into my life and wouldn't leave. I didn't believe it at the time, but was the truth. The people who cared and love you won't leave. They will stay with you through thick and thin. The dark times and best times. This is what I have gained from you leaving me.

- You have given me strength to continue my journey.
- I can be strong in being myself.
- I can accept that I can overcome my trauma.
- I am empowered by my story.
- I am so much better off with out you.

And to the people who have stayed:

- Thank you for understanding my situation.
- Thank you for being patient with me when I'm stressed out.
- Thank you for letting me reach out when I need someone to talk to.
- Thank you for loving me the way that I am.
- Thank you for your support and encouragement.

If you suffer from anxiety, depression, PTSD, etc., please know that people with come and go. But the one's that care the most won't leave. They will hold your hand through the worst times. They will hug you through the flashbacks and panic attacks. They will go to therapy sessions with you to learn how they can help. And most of all, they will support you on your journey to happiness.

5 Tips To Get Out of a Panic Attack Fast

Today out started on the wrong foot. I had to keep telling myself to take one email at a time, and deep breaths. But the anxiety had already started to build. If you're like me, I can't sit still and my mind is racing at 100mph. My first reaction is to get out of my cube, go to the bathroom, close the stall door, and catch my breath. My back is pressed against the wall. I start some of my breathing exercises. After doing this for a minute, I come back out of the stall and start another coping mechanism. 

I have learned some coping skills ever since the hospital and therapy. If you don't have your medicine close, or in a situation that you cannot leave, these should help for in the moment. I have learned that you can use your 5 senses. It may not sound like much at first, but it will when you need them.  If you are about to have an anxiety attack, the best way to stop it is to distract yourself. You need to trick you're own mind to focus on something else fast. I have to keep repeating these sometimes. Eventually, you will know what works the best for you. 

Here's what I recommend for some distractions:

1. Sight: Focus on the things around you. If there is a sign or painting on the wall, stare at it. What do you see? What colors are there? What is in the image? Start reading to yourself what you see. Everything you see. There is a blue painting in my gyno doctor's office. I could tell you everything in that painting to this day, because I use it to cope while at my apt. It has a park bench with pink flowers beside it. It has blue tones, basically like a blue filter. There is a little girl sitting on the bench sitting with her legs crossed, looking down to the ground, wearing a white bonnet. I am a visual person, so this one helps me a lot. 

2. Taste: Is there something close, like candy, and you can eat? I keep peppermints in my purse and in my desk drawer at work. Once you taste the candy, tell yourself what you taste. Is it cinnamon? Is it sweet? Does it have a flavor? Is it hard candy or soft candy? Again, this is to help take your focus on the anxiety fastly approaching. 

3. Touch: What items are around you? Do you have a lipstick in your purse? What about your wallet? I've been stuck in a meeting and had to do this. Basically, describe what you feel by what you are touching. One of my favorites is to run my hands under the running water. For just a second, then put the water on my face. 

4. Smell: I keep a lavender lotion at my desk, and its the same scent as my bath soap. Also, my counselors said when you pour the shampoo in your hands, to bring it up to your face to smell. Take a deep breath and inhale. You wouldn't believe that it would work. So if you're away from home, describe what you smell. Do the same thing as the shampoo, but with lotion. 

5. Sound: Anytime I feel depressed at work, I always pull up one of my favorite comedians on YouTube. If you are feeling sad, turn on something that will make you laugh. It's also calming to your body, but laughing releases endorphins that make you happy anyways. 

There are many coping tools to use instead of medicine. It can work in any situation because you are focusing internally on your thoughts. You can control your thoughts and this is why we have to recognize that we can stop the anxiety before it gets the best of us. I usually wind up with a full on panic attack if I don't get ahead of it. 

Are there things you do to cope? What works best for you? Share below in the comments. I would love to hear other helpful tips!

-DC

This is Only Temporary If I Want It to Be

The past few days seem to feel like they all run together. I've noticed myself thinking differently, which has made my mental state weird. I find myself being really judgmental. I am scrolling through my Facebook, rolling my eyes at posts by friends. People being happy about their lives. Engagements, baby announcements, vacations, etc. Why do I care what's going on? I'm sick of seeing stuff about their happy lives.

As my boyfriend and I were driving to our softball league game, I was telling him about a post I saw and talking trash about it. He said to me, "Why can't you be happy for them?" Then it hit me. My attitude sucks. I need to change it. Why can't I be happy for them? Some of these are from good friends, I should be happy for them. Maybe I need a break from social media. Maybe I need to find out what is going on with me, to stop taking it out on my friends. 

We know gossip is all around us. Everyone has that one friend you know is going to start the conversation of with something they saw on Instagram, or Facebook. At what point do westop doing this? If we're surrounded by it and find ourselves starting to talk like this, then we have already been infected by the disease. The contagious disease of judging people.

After my boyfriend brought up what I said, I started looking for what is different for me lately. Is it something out of my routine? Have I been sleeping okay and I'm just cranky? Have I ran lately? What am I eating? Or am I stressed about stuff? So after browsing through these questions in my head, I came to the conclusion that it was all of the above. I have so much stuff going on in my life that I let it get the best of me, and took it out on someone else. Dumb right? It happens to all of us. 

So what do I need to do about it to fix it? I can start a mood journal and write down how I feel or the ups and downs during the day. Then after a few days I can reflect on what was going on that day to make me feel bad, mad, or sad. I can use my tools from therapy to cope with these feelings and mentally think of positive things in my life to change my focus on good things. I can talk to a friend about what's going on with me, why I'm feeling like I do. 

Needless to say, we all have bad days, even bad weeks. But we can rise above it. We can be happy for people when we're not happy at the moment. It's about being self-less. It's about taking the spotlight off of yourself and caring about what is going on that is special in your friends lives. Because one day that will be you. You will have something awesome happen and you would want the same joy shared with your friends. Remember, if you are having a bad day, it's only a day. The same for a bad week. It's only temporary, if you make it temporary. Share the joy in your life with people you love, and do the same for them. 

-DC

Speaking Up is What Will Save Us

They say that communication is one of the essential parts of life. It's not just how we speak to each other, but also our body language can be just as loud. Communication is a major part of relationships whether intimate or just friends. It can be substantial at your job to clarify what projects to tackle. All of this is to say, how do you communicate?

I have anxiety. I have depression. I have PTSD. Communication is a key factor to all of those. Let's start with anxiety. The symptoms of anxiety can feel like everything will go wrong. You feel like an elephant is sitting on your chest. You don't know what to do to get out of this feeling. Depression makes you feel numb to your surrounds. It feels like a weight on your shoulders gets heavier every day. And PTSD makes you feel like you will never escape your trauma.

We have to communicate with our loved ones. We just have to find a way to tell them what we need. It might feel selfish to ask someone to help you in your time of emotions. But they cannot know what to do until you tell them exactly. I've had a few counseling sessions that I asked my boyfriend to join me to help me when I go into panic attacks. I had to tell him exactly what I needed if I was having an anxiety attack or a flashback. It can be verbal, a hug, etc., whatever it is that you need to come out of the moment. Personally, I need a hug. I need to be reminded of where I am, and not in the past. To each is their own.

In any other relationship, even if you don't suffer from anxiety/depression, we have to be honest with our support systems. If we are having a bad day, tell them that things are hard right now, and ask if they can join you for a moment. On the phone, a coffee date, or even a walk. Only you know what you need for yourself. If we are not honest, then we cannot expect others to help in the right ways. You only get one go around in life, don't leave any moment out to help better yourself.

Be confident in asking others for help that is what your support system can do for you. Our journey includes being the best we can do for ourselves every day. We deserve healthy relationships for ourselves. No one can read our minds to know our internal needs, so we need a voice to speak for ourselves.

If you feel like you have no one to talk to when you are down in the dark phase, please talk to someone. Even if it's a text, a tweet, or telling a friend, you are loved. It will seem like the hardest thing to do. It will seem like you are bothering others. But you aren't. Life is a beautiful thing. You can get through the thoughts that make it feel like the end. It has taken me a few times to realize it. This blog is the reason I want to share my story of my journey from the bottom to happiness and share my story to connect with others in the same place.  

-DC

Will It Matter in a Year?

After a long weekend out of town, I come back to my office Monday morning dreading what my inbox looks like. The exhaustion of travel is still lingering. Long story short, it has been one of those days.

If you are like me, reading an email that says "next time, please handle these tasks differently...", means you should have known to do it correctly the first time. Then it spirals from there. Why didn't I think to do it that way? I'm an idiot. What does my boss think of me now? Is my job in jeopardy? etc. I was raised to have no mistakes and that everything makes an impression of what kind of person you are. There was no thinking outside of the box, its black and white. So if you were trained all of your life with this thinking, your natural instinct is that you did something wrong.

Life is about mistakes. Life is about learning. Life is about growing. If you don't make mistakes, you will never learn for the next time. Life is anything but consistent.

We have to learn to realize that mistakes are perfectly fine. They are the lessons that take us further in life, the steps that prepare us for what is to come later in our journey. A co-worker from my first job out of college gave me advice I still use to this day. I was panicking about a presentation I designed for the boss, worried that I was going to get it back with a million mistakes. My friend said to me, "Will this matter in a year? Will this matter in 5 years?". I said no. He said back,"Then why stress over it? Focus on the bigger things in life. Be confident in your work." Tumbling down a path of all our insecurities is easy. We hear these things in our head with every bit of our attention focused on the put downs in our head. But we have to stop and pull back up for air. If we are focused on everything we do wrong, how will we ever realize all of the things we do right? If we take everything personal and to heart, life will not have the joy that it should.

We are strong enough to take direction and learn from others. Even from an email that seems to hit my anxiety immediately. I have to stop, take a breath, and realize what it is. It's a tip for next time. It doesn't make me a bad person or a failure. It's my boss helping me learn for the next time it comes up. It doesn't make me horrible at my job or put me in jeopardy of losing my job. If it had ruined my morning, it could have lead into ruining my day.

Our journey is about not knowing what the future is to bring, but getting there day by day. I truly believe everything happens for a reason. If we have can the attitude of saying thank you when someone gives us direction, think about how it can change our minds? Think of how it can make us feel? "I appreciate you for letting me know. Thank you for your help." That's all it has to be. We have to train ourselves to have a different mindset. The more we teach ourselves the positives in our life, the negatives will begin to get smaller and smaller. You are strong, confident, and talented in what you do. Don't let you tell yourself otherwise.

-DC

Double Check Your Approach

Our journey doesn't start with rainbows and sunshine, yet like me, some of us have started from the bottom. Like most stories, you have a background. Your story has gotten you to this point of your life. All of the ups and downs have brought you to this exact moment. 

So we have to go back to the starting line. The time you knew that there has to be more to life. The time you needed there to be more in life. The time when you weren't sure that there was a meaning to life. 

This is the bottom or one of the toughest struggles you face. The best way to explain the next chapter of our journey is rock climbing. 

What? I know, but just stay with me and listen. I am in no way an expert in this sport, but I have done it a few times, not including 7th-grade gym class. There are two ways to experience the climb. So let's get ready. Imagine yourself standing in front of this rock wall. You look all the way up at this huge obstacle and can barely see the top. You have a harness wrapped around you, and a person next to you holding these ropes, so you don't drop like a fly. Now, you take your first step grabbing the closest rock, pulling yourself up along the way. The reality of heights and your body strength is all you can think of as you get higher and higher up. You finally reach the top and feel this huge relief that you didn't fall.

Your perspective of the climb was most likely exhausting. It's similar to the feeling of daily stress. You can see what looks like to be the end of wall, but you have a long way to go. Each reach is one more push of everything you have. You worry about how you are going to get to the top, or falling to the bottom. I can attest that daily stress is tougher that it sounds.  Some days feel like a giant snowball getting bigger, and it's getting heavier. One task turns into 20 things that can wrong, and you feel like you're drowning. Take a deep breath, and look at the rock wall differently. What if you looked at this wall (life) and truly believe in yourself that you are going to the top, and nothing is going to hold you down? Did you think about the harness you were wearing for safety? What about the person standing next to you also to help you down without falling? Did you focus on each rock or the determination to make it to the top? 

All of this is to show us that life is all about perspective. It is how you approach each day of stress. 

You have to stop and think about the result. You will make it to the top. You have the strength to push yourself to the top. You have the support you need all around you. You have people to lean on when you feel like you are going to fall. The climb of life is how you approach it. Take a minute to realize your options before starting. Have confidence in yourself knowing you can tackle any obstacle that you come to face. I'm saying it won't be that easy every time, but practice makes perfect. Like my last post, it's about telling yourself you can do it. If you take a minute and analyze what is in front of you and the stress may not be so difficult.

-DC

Do This One Thing a Day

You need to do one thing a day. You need to do this at least once a week. This is a small goal. A reward or treat for your self. This thing is "For Me" (You).

I have had a few classes, from my darker days, that turned out the be one of the best lessons of life. We talked about how to handle life, how to turn around your perspective of stress, and most importantly how to love yourself.  Everyday in class, we would each take turns talking about our stressors, recent activities in life, being positive or negative. But each time, our instructor would ask, "What is one thing that you will do for yourself today?". She said it could be anything, big or small. Is it walking the dog that day? Is it cleaning the apartment? Is it calling a friend? Or is it about your self-care?.

Each day we should be asking ourselves,"What will I do for myself today?". What can I do to make myself feel better? What can I do to make me feel like myself? These questions can seem unrealistic at first. Me? Why should I care about me? I have so much going on, who has time for that? I don't even feel like doing that, why should I? It was all numbing at first to start this process of making myself happy. I wasn't really sure what that meant, let alone loving myself and taking care of me. And to do it everyday? There was no way, I thought. But day after day, the reality was growing.

There is something special about accomplishing a goal. You feel like you did something that day. You feel proud after knowing you could do it. After sometime, it starts to feel natural. We all have a laundry list of things to be done, and time for ourselves gets pushed to the end of the list or not even considered. But what if you did make it a priority? It doesn't have to be a whole day or an hour long. It could even be a few minutes to catch your breath, standing in your bathroom with the door closed. Each day needs to have some moment of time for ourselves. Our class instructor mentioned going to get coffee with a friend, going to a movie by yourself, treating yourself to ice cream, or other tasty treats. Getting your nails done, buying a new shirt, or even catching up reading you favorite book, are more great examples. The point is that you take time to focus on your self. It's small steps to learning how to love and treat yourself, knowing it's ok to do so.

I wanted to write this because sometimes we need to look differently at our daily lives. We need to know that we do have time for ourselves, and that we deserve to. We deserve to feel love internally, and feel it everyday. Some days I have look at myself in the mirror and ask, "What is one thing I will do for myself today?"

Today, I am going to run at the gym because I feel better afterwards. The gym is a peaceful time for me to reflect on myself knowing that I am working towards my weight-loss goals. Tomorrow, I will ask the same question. I hope that this encourages others to ask themselves, and encourages friends. There is only one "you" in the world, you deserve to take advantage of that.

- DC

Starting the Journey to Happiness

I want to start this blog to track my journey of finding true happiness and lessons learned over the past few years. My goal is to help others feel support in everyday struggles and turn them into positives.

The road to happiness can be found in many forms. Some find happiness by spending time with family. Others find hobbies to be a time of peace and release of tension, much like myself. But what I have learned, especially this year, is happiness for me is self-love.

I want this blog to capture my bad days and the good. I want to share my story to help bring awareness to what much of society finds a shush-shush topic. There are a lot of people that have some of the realities in common with people close to them, but it's never talked about.

We are all human. We all make mistakes. We all have struggles. We all have goals. We all have support. We all have demons. And we all deserve happiness.

- DC