I've talked before about communicating with our loved ones about what we are going through and asking them for help. Letting them recognize your changes and routine roller coasters. But I want to go further on that topic and show the other side. The side that they will never know or understand.
My therapist opened my eyes when she said it is absolutely impossible for them to feel and experience what I am and my daily anxiety and struggles. It seems like a simple sentence, but it really really makes sense if you think about it. How can we expect someone to know why we can't breathe because on anxiety or if we're fighting the thoughts that rush through our minds. It's physically impossible for them to feel all of that. So with this, it goes back to communication.
We have to realize that they can't feel our pain. With the difficulties I'm having right now medicine wise, I have to know how my reactions are effecting my friends, family, and boyfriend. I have been a mess of emotions, and it changes within seconds. I can snap at the smallest thing, it could be the dog scratching her ear, and I'm done. But because my boyfriend can't understand what is going on in that moment, or what is going on in my head. I have to use my coping tools, and control my emotions to keep from hurting my loved ones. They can only see the outside and your reactions. Can you imagine being on the other side of the situation? It takes a lot to catch yourself acting out, breathe, figure out how to fix it, and telling your boyfriend what is going on, and apologizing.
The people in your life that truly love you, will stick by us. But we can't push the limits of this. They don't deserve to get the butt end of the problems, every single time. This is why we have to find coping tools and outlets to push out all of our emotions else where.
And if you are having days that feel like you're on a constant rollercoaster and drowning at the same time. TALK to someone. Even if they can't understand what you're going through, they want to be there for you. They want to help the best way they can. They love us, and know for the most part how depression and anxiety effects you. They can tell when things are out of routine or you seem different. Tell them you love them and thank them for their patience and support. They may not hear it as much as you think. We can't push our loved ones away. We need them in our lives, no matter what our past was.
So, I want to take a minute to thank everyone of my friends, family, and especially my boyfriend for the patience and support I get from each of you. The understanding you have of who I am. And even though you have no idea what it's like, you are still there when we need you. I may not say it enough, but I am so thankful for you in my life.
- DC xoxo
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3.31.2017
3.27.2017
The Bitch is Back, But Not For Long
How can we talk to our loved ones about the changes we go through with the medicine that most of us take to help with anxiety and depression? I just got done reading an article about this topic, and they had some great points that I want to talk about how it affects me.
The thought that there is an option out there to help ease your mind and daily jitters can feel like a huge relief. When my doctor and I first started talking about some of the benefits, it felt like I had found an answer to some of my life long questions. (Of course, with the help of therapy too). I know there are people out there who would disagree with the option of medicating, and use alternatives. To each it's own, I think.
I want to write to explain to our loved one's what it's like to be on meds. I don't think it is something to be ashamed of. The whole taking medicine because of your mental illness (or as some say crazy) shouldn't have a stigma that comes with it. It's my life, my choice, and it helps me live without losing my mind. ANYWHOO. Back to friends and love ones.
Our medicine isn't just like ibuprofen, and make the pain go away in 30 minutes. It's waay more than that. Since the medicine helps create a chemical balance in your brain, it's going to take some adjustments. So if you are going through changes like me, it can feel like a rollercoaster. I don't want to speak for others, but the meds are a catch 22. The side effects can be awful like nausea, headaches, and weight gain. (Which is probably the worst of all). But we have to choose. What feels like sanity, or trying to carry it on your own.
Now that I am switching medicines, its withdrawals. It feels like your old self. You can feel it all changing. My anxiety took a new high this weekend. From OCD to a panic attack by just talking to someone about opening a new bank account. It's also the irritation and agrivation. The feeling of being on edge, like if the wind blew the wrong way, I would instantly turn into the Incredible Hulk.
Therapy has help me recognize my old ways and how to cope immediately. How to know that I'm feeling anxious and angry at everyone. We need to remember what is actually happening. I tell myself that it's the withdrawal of medicine. It's grabbing a handful of ice cubes and deep breaths to come back to where I am.
With the right support system, which we've talked about before, it make a whole difference in your journey. They know that this isn't normal you. But we have to communicate and say "Hey, I feel like a rage monster and want you to know, can you help me?" This gives them an idea of what is going on and can help you cope. I have the best support system. I know I can text my friends and say "I'm being a bitch right now, talk with me." And Lord bless my patient boyfriend for helping me deal and come out of it. Find a positive support system that loves you for you, even your Hulk moments.
Shoutout to my support group, ya'll get me and still love me.
-DC xoxo
The thought that there is an option out there to help ease your mind and daily jitters can feel like a huge relief. When my doctor and I first started talking about some of the benefits, it felt like I had found an answer to some of my life long questions. (Of course, with the help of therapy too). I know there are people out there who would disagree with the option of medicating, and use alternatives. To each it's own, I think.
I want to write to explain to our loved one's what it's like to be on meds. I don't think it is something to be ashamed of. The whole taking medicine because of your mental illness (or as some say crazy) shouldn't have a stigma that comes with it. It's my life, my choice, and it helps me live without losing my mind. ANYWHOO. Back to friends and love ones.
Our medicine isn't just like ibuprofen, and make the pain go away in 30 minutes. It's waay more than that. Since the medicine helps create a chemical balance in your brain, it's going to take some adjustments. So if you are going through changes like me, it can feel like a rollercoaster. I don't want to speak for others, but the meds are a catch 22. The side effects can be awful like nausea, headaches, and weight gain. (Which is probably the worst of all). But we have to choose. What feels like sanity, or trying to carry it on your own.
Now that I am switching medicines, its withdrawals. It feels like your old self. You can feel it all changing. My anxiety took a new high this weekend. From OCD to a panic attack by just talking to someone about opening a new bank account. It's also the irritation and agrivation. The feeling of being on edge, like if the wind blew the wrong way, I would instantly turn into the Incredible Hulk.
Therapy has help me recognize my old ways and how to cope immediately. How to know that I'm feeling anxious and angry at everyone. We need to remember what is actually happening. I tell myself that it's the withdrawal of medicine. It's grabbing a handful of ice cubes and deep breaths to come back to where I am.
With the right support system, which we've talked about before, it make a whole difference in your journey. They know that this isn't normal you. But we have to communicate and say "Hey, I feel like a rage monster and want you to know, can you help me?" This gives them an idea of what is going on and can help you cope. I have the best support system. I know I can text my friends and say "I'm being a bitch right now, talk with me." And Lord bless my patient boyfriend for helping me deal and come out of it. Find a positive support system that loves you for you, even your Hulk moments.
Shoutout to my support group, ya'll get me and still love me.
-DC xoxo
3.22.2017
May Your Troubles Show Your Strengths
An article caught my eye a few days ago. It read "Why Girls With Anxiety Are The Strongest." I sat on the idea for a few minutes, letting the title marinate. And then I said to myself, actually that is a good point. Don't get me wrong, everyone has their ups and downs, daily struggles and life troubles.
But anxiety is a whole other beast. (And we are Belle, duh.) Anyone who has anxiety will be the first to tell you that it can be a nightmare. It's a fight with yourself everyday. Your mind is the Daytona 500. Circling around and around and around because you are doubting one thought. And then think of all the self-doubt that is the inner voice all day. It sucks. If anxiety is daily for you, then you know that it's a constant feeling and the teeny tiny thing can just set your mind off.
I believe that people who suffer from anxiety, like myself, have a different strength than most. We fight voices and thoughts every single day. If we use coping tools and stress identifiers ( I learned in therapy), then we can try to manage the stress the best that we can.
Look at it like lifting weights. Over time, you develop more strength as you continue to train. So just like working out, we are strengthening our mental thoughts. Can you peak back at some huge mountains you have overcame, and think holy smokes, I made it? How much stronger are you now? If you did it all over again, do you feel like you could conquer it better than before?
We are all mental fitness champions. It sounds weird, but we are. To everyone who has anxiety beast on their back whispering in our ears, well brush him off. (Literally swish your hand over your shoulder. Now. Right now.)
Take each day one step at a time. Use your coping tools to help settle your anxiety and most of all, know that you are not alone. Freddy Mercury said it best, "We are the champions, my friends, and we'll keep on fighting 'til the end..."
-DC xoxo
But anxiety is a whole other beast. (And we are Belle, duh.) Anyone who has anxiety will be the first to tell you that it can be a nightmare. It's a fight with yourself everyday. Your mind is the Daytona 500. Circling around and around and around because you are doubting one thought. And then think of all the self-doubt that is the inner voice all day. It sucks. If anxiety is daily for you, then you know that it's a constant feeling and the teeny tiny thing can just set your mind off.
I believe that people who suffer from anxiety, like myself, have a different strength than most. We fight voices and thoughts every single day. If we use coping tools and stress identifiers ( I learned in therapy), then we can try to manage the stress the best that we can.
Look at it like lifting weights. Over time, you develop more strength as you continue to train. So just like working out, we are strengthening our mental thoughts. Can you peak back at some huge mountains you have overcame, and think holy smokes, I made it? How much stronger are you now? If you did it all over again, do you feel like you could conquer it better than before?
We are all mental fitness champions. It sounds weird, but we are. To everyone who has anxiety beast on their back whispering in our ears, well brush him off. (Literally swish your hand over your shoulder. Now. Right now.)
Take each day one step at a time. Use your coping tools to help settle your anxiety and most of all, know that you are not alone. Freddy Mercury said it best, "We are the champions, my friends, and we'll keep on fighting 'til the end..."
-DC xoxo
How I Rediscovered My True Love
Creative. Discovery. Happiness. Lifestyle. These all describe what I really want more of in my life. I want the adrenaline of creating something new and unthought of. I am dazed by a blank canvas, sketch book page, or hand tools waiting to be used. I have rediscovered my true love for art.
As long as I have been in therapy, about 3 years now, I haven't felt the passion I used to for art. I grew up with it. I was always drawing, sketching, painting, or finding whatever activities I could do to keep my creative mind busy. And to know one day that I wouldn't even want to touch a pencil to draw, well I never imagined it. But it happened. What comes with depression is a lost of attraction. A lost to what you used to love. A lost from the world that you want to retract from. Over the years, I've wondered how can I find what I love, my art, again. How can I feel the rush of creativity again?
I will say that it has taken time. I'm not sure how or why, but it's back and I couldn't be happier. And I think it comes with other categories of life. Now that I've continued to find myself throughout last year to today, things have come together in a timing that I'll never understand why. It's funny that life has a way of working out, just like my dad always said. I can't roll my eyes at it anymore, because it is very true. It seems that life works in stages, leads you to the path so you can find your way, and then it's to the next stage. (Or a new door.. blah blah..).
So as of today, I have taught myself how to crochet. I have discovered hand calligraphy. I have started sketching again, and now picking my blog back up. I challenge everyone to find or rediscover your hobby. And if you don't feel like you have one, try a new one. It doesn't have to be a painting, maybe it's starting a garden. Maybe it's volunteering, or maybe it's even taking a walk or a new baking recipe.The point is to find what gives you peace and happiness. Truly, peace and happiness. What can you find that makes you feel like yourself again? With spring here and summer around the corner, the time is now. Let the sunshine fall on your face, breathe in the fresh air, and smile knowing that you are making a difference in your journey.
-DC xoxo
As long as I have been in therapy, about 3 years now, I haven't felt the passion I used to for art. I grew up with it. I was always drawing, sketching, painting, or finding whatever activities I could do to keep my creative mind busy. And to know one day that I wouldn't even want to touch a pencil to draw, well I never imagined it. But it happened. What comes with depression is a lost of attraction. A lost to what you used to love. A lost from the world that you want to retract from. Over the years, I've wondered how can I find what I love, my art, again. How can I feel the rush of creativity again?
I will say that it has taken time. I'm not sure how or why, but it's back and I couldn't be happier. And I think it comes with other categories of life. Now that I've continued to find myself throughout last year to today, things have come together in a timing that I'll never understand why. It's funny that life has a way of working out, just like my dad always said. I can't roll my eyes at it anymore, because it is very true. It seems that life works in stages, leads you to the path so you can find your way, and then it's to the next stage. (Or a new door.. blah blah..).
So as of today, I have taught myself how to crochet. I have discovered hand calligraphy. I have started sketching again, and now picking my blog back up. I challenge everyone to find or rediscover your hobby. And if you don't feel like you have one, try a new one. It doesn't have to be a painting, maybe it's starting a garden. Maybe it's volunteering, or maybe it's even taking a walk or a new baking recipe.The point is to find what gives you peace and happiness. Truly, peace and happiness. What can you find that makes you feel like yourself again? With spring here and summer around the corner, the time is now. Let the sunshine fall on your face, breathe in the fresh air, and smile knowing that you are making a difference in your journey.
-DC xoxo
It's Time to Catch Up
It's been a minute guys since I blogged. Honestly, I had things take over my time (as most people usually say, but it's true). So where we? Oh, yea. Friends and Family are the best support. But I want to start a new topic, and continue this journey. So all aboard!
Since the last chapter in my journey, I can say that I successfully made it through the holidays, which is a difficult time of year for me. And from what my therapist says, it is for a lot of people. So if you are one of us who dread the holidays, pat yourself on the back, because we made it!
2016 ended on a positive note for me. Looking back over the past year, I have a lot of new perspectives, personal goals, and discovery of myself a little more. Now that 2017 has arrived, its time to make new goals, not just physical weight goals, but mentally and emotionally. Through the hardships that last 3 months, I have definately learned some strengths I never thought I would make it through.
Of all my stressors, most of which gives me anxiety is finances. I mean who doesn't? I've learned to control what you can, keep a positive attitude (even through the dark times and nights you want to cry), and have faith in yourself. Now that it's all over, I can officially say that I made it through. I've found the light in the tunnel and passed it waving bye.
This year for all of us should be a year of pushing through things we never thought we could. What is one thing you think is impossible? What are the steps to get there? And mostly, what are you most afraid of?
I challenge you to figure this out. It may happen over night. It may take all year. BUT importantly, take baby steps, one at a time.
That is all for now,
- DC xoxo
Since the last chapter in my journey, I can say that I successfully made it through the holidays, which is a difficult time of year for me. And from what my therapist says, it is for a lot of people. So if you are one of us who dread the holidays, pat yourself on the back, because we made it!
2016 ended on a positive note for me. Looking back over the past year, I have a lot of new perspectives, personal goals, and discovery of myself a little more. Now that 2017 has arrived, its time to make new goals, not just physical weight goals, but mentally and emotionally. Through the hardships that last 3 months, I have definately learned some strengths I never thought I would make it through.
Of all my stressors, most of which gives me anxiety is finances. I mean who doesn't? I've learned to control what you can, keep a positive attitude (even through the dark times and nights you want to cry), and have faith in yourself. Now that it's all over, I can officially say that I made it through. I've found the light in the tunnel and passed it waving bye.
This year for all of us should be a year of pushing through things we never thought we could. What is one thing you think is impossible? What are the steps to get there? And mostly, what are you most afraid of?
I challenge you to figure this out. It may happen over night. It may take all year. BUT importantly, take baby steps, one at a time.
That is all for now,
- DC xoxo
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