They Won't Let You Fall, So Let Them Catch You.

It's been a while since I've written. Some of my time was spent catching up on work tasks, and other times it was figuring out new topics to talk about. I don't have a schedule of certain topics, or list of ideas. I sort of approach it as sharing lessons I am learning in my life, when they happen. Life isn't planned out, and it's impossible for it to be like that. So, to jump back into it, let's talk about support.

I'm talking about the support of friends, family, co-workers, and others. The people we confide in. The people we trust. The people we hold close. The people who love and accept you just how you are.

Depression can get in the way and cause obstacles in between you and your support. There are days when you feel like you want to hide in the corner, or sleep to escape it all. Even if your friends are trying to make plans with you. There are times when I feel like, "I really want to see you, but I am so tired and have no energy." Frankly, I just want to be left alone. From time to time, that is just fine. But it cannot turn into a habit. As someone with depression, my therapist has taught me that we have to make plans to stay away from slumping and retracting from our loved ones. We have to remember why they are in our lives, and how special they are to us. We have to make plans with our loved ones to help with our recovery.

Because it is physically impossible for anyone to literally know what you are feeling, we have to give tips and ways they can help you when you are down in the dumps. It is OK to tell your friend you are having one of those days. It's OK to tell them what is going on that is bringing you down. It is OK to tell yourself you deserve these people. It is OK to tell your self you deserve positive people in your life.

I've highlighted the things that it is to be OK about. This is one of the biggest things I have to tell myself. Growing up, it was no mistakes, has to be perfect, plan ahead, and if not you were a failure.

But that is the complete opposite of how it goes. Mistakes will happen and it is OK. Life is not perfect and it is OK. And to not have a plan is OK.

With all of this said, I wanted to share what's been going on lately and maybe this can relate to someone and help them too. Over the last 2 years, I have went through some pretty big changes. Changes that were never acceptable as a kid, for example the number on the scale. With the anxiety that comes with that as changes happen, it has been a bumpy road to learn how to take care of yourself and be happy with the changes teaching me about self-love and not the exterior.

I had a bridal shower to attend to last weekend, and I had a huge anxiety attack right before showing up. Some of these people I haven't  seen in a while. What would they think of me? They will probably tell friends, and I don't want to be in any photos.  

Later, I cried in the bathroom because I don't look like I used to, what I was trained to look like, what I thought was perfection.

I have a great support system that loves me just the way I am. They support me on the good days and bad. Even when I'm crying in the bathroom and can't speak clearly because I am just spilling my guts.

So I want to hear how you love yourself everyday? What do you do that makes you happy? How to you push society away from the beauty standards and accept yourself and your journey? I want all of this to bring up the uncomfortable situation, and help each other learn to love ourselves.

- DC