Why 13 Reasons Are Not Enough

A lot of buzz has been going around about the latest Netflix show success. Here are some things to consider before watching it, and to think about what you have heard about it. If you have experience trauma, especially as a teenager or earlier, or any trauma at all tread with caution.

Here is what I have to say about the show. Looking back, it probably would have been a good idea to just not watch it, but I decided to watch it out of curiousity hoping that I could find someone who understood what my childhood, teens, and college years traumas.  In a lot of ways, the high school girl who is the mainUIKeyInputDownArrow character, really felt like me in the series. I can think of all her experiences in my life. I have been through what she has.

But the show also focuses on bullying and sexual assault, rape and suicide. As she records 13 tapes to leave for the 13 people who had a large impact on her depression, we look back at her past as it explains how she was bullied and also, the impact it played in her life.  As someone who has experienced bullying, its not just getting picked on, it's like someone putting a weight on your shoulder each time it happens. After so much weight that you cannot carry on your shoulders leaves a person lost and lonely.

So here is how the show has impacted me. It makes me think about how my life, my trauma, was built. How no one knew what state I was in of depression in high school. It reminded me of the people who said things to me that I'll never forget, the way they made me feel, and how it's made a difference as an adult. It makes me reflect on past relationships that were damaging. But most importantly it shows how serious and common mental illness really is. It's common, and should not be a stigma.

The articles I have read that speak about the show and how parents should watch with their teens, and know that there are outlets and support groups, etc. I look back when I was teenager and think, "would i have even listened to them or evern came to them about my problems?" I most likely would have talked to my friends. Back to the articles, i dont' think the articles come close to touching the points of the show. I very well could be biased about how people will never understand that state of mind, unless you have been through some real shit.

Ive seen letters sent home to parents about how to talk to your kids about depression and suicide signs. I really hope that this show opens minds to how serious, HOW SERIOUS, this topic is. It's not about parents saying "you need an attitude adjustment", or "stop looking for attention", or "get over it".

Now as an adult at 28yrs old, this show was the biggest trigger I have ever had in my life. It hit on every trauma I have had since being a teenager. In high school I remember reading this poster on a teachers podium that read "people may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you make them feel." THAT IS THE MOST TRUE THING I HAVE EVER LEARNED.

My advice to parents is to watch it. Watch it without your kids first. Sit them down and talk to them as a supportive outlet. Let them know they can talk to anyone, not only you. Talk to them about options. Parents, research and teach yourself to be aware of behavior changes. Things that they once had interest in, and don't care about anymore. Look for isolation. Look for sudden changes out of the blue. I'm speaking from experience, but there are many online sites with more tips about the subject.

3 times. 3 times I have thought that I wasn't good enough for my life. I felt that my relationships, romantically, friendships, and family relationships would never change. The 26 yrs of the trauma I kept inside took a toll. The words people would say to me, stuck. I couldn't talk to anyone, family or friends, because of the responses I would get when I tried to talk for support. After the 1st time, I figured out that I didn't want to live life that I have. But that doens't make everything go away.  It take s practice. Parents be there for your kids, if you don't think they aren't listening they are. If they roll their eyes, they are listening.

Parents here are sites to consider talking points to start the conversation:

https://www.jedfoundation.org/13-reasons-why-talking-points/

https://www.save.org/13-reasons-why/

Please know that you are never alone and loved more that you will know.

Xoxo - DC

Your Childhood Love Isn't Like Adulthood Love

I just left another eye-opening therapy session. I find it fascinating how our subconscious can show us previous experiences or trauma in different places in our life. For example the love you were given as a child, can effect the relationships as you get older. Not only romantically, as my therapist we try to make our childhood relationship come to life and be better than before. Our friendships, we look for the same type of relationships that we've been around and the type of love that we recieived as a child.

For my story, our session opened my eyes to how the dysfunctional relationship with my mom, has triggered other female relationships in my life. I have grew walls around me for many reasons as a since of protection from what might hurt me, or my struggles I have been through my whole life. My therapist opened my eyes to see that, those in my life that have a positive relationship as a mother and daughter, or as a family, makes me immediately retract from being around those situations.

Now I come to realize this recognition of my dysfunctional love from my mom, caused triggered from strange aspects of my life and a jealousy of happiness of a relationship I will never have.

Trying to explain this to someone who has a strong relationship with their family and parents may not grasp this way of life for us. So what can we do? What can we say that would help us if we get into these funks?  Maybe they won't have answers. Maybe they can't help like you want them too, with the expectations of validation of what you want.

Right now this is brought a HUGE eye opener about the positive relationships I want and need in my life. I have to recognize the cognitive thoughts I have that probably aren't true. If you can relate to this, I would like to hear your feedback on how you learn to put your past triggers aside so you can learn and develop at healthy positive relationship.