When I first started this blog, I wrote on topics that immediately came to mind. Lately, the posts have been spread out, and I try to write about different topics. My last post was about "13 Reasons Why", the newest Netflix Series to flip everyone's world around about the topic of suicide. Check out my previous post, to read more about my thoughts on the series. But this post, I want it to be about the triggers we trauma surviors experience. The immediate instances of the mind taking you right back to that moment, that feeling, even that's smell of the event. And if you suffered more than one trauma, one trigger can build and lead straight into the next.
For some reason, ever since "13 Reasons" I feel the need to watch tv shows and movies that immediately start a trigger. But series like Law and Order: SVU just seem like stories. Those stories can seem relatable.
I have a true love for documentaries and drama series. If you have survived horrible things in life, like trauma or sexual assualt, you can understand where I am coming from. It seems more often than not that new series or dramas can put a glimpse of assualt in a scene from the show. Horror movies are the worst. I love horror movies. I have since I was a kid. Of course as a kid, when it would show assault I had to turn it off. So now as an adult, I still find myself turning it off when I see assualt. But it's not just assault that triggers.
When I started therapy, my therapist said that one day my story of my trauma would be just that. It wouldn't have such an impact, it will feel like telling a sad story to someone. Right now in my journey, there are some chapters that I can tell and not feel hurt or relive those feelings. (Another reason I wanted to start my blog. I want to tell my story and hopefully someone who has gone through the same things will not feel alone.)
I've learned that triggers don't happen immediately. It can hit you later on the day or even weeks later. There have been movies I saw in the theaters and I got home and started crying. But why do we feel like we want to be triggered or watch the awful scenes that make us cry immediately. The past few weeks, I have found shows that it will get to an episode that I should stop watching then and there. But yet I feel like I want to watch it more. I want to try to push past the images that will show up in my nightmares, the episodes that my therapist would say, "absolutely do not watch this show". Is it my stubbornness to just do it to see why? I won't mention the shows or movies so because I don't want to trigger someone.
But why do we do the things we do to somewhat get the feeling of a trigger? I don't find myself doing it constantly. It's some sort of thrill. Some feeling of wrong. A feeling of doing what you're told not too, which I've also heard to be stubbornness. So how can we be stronger and immediately turn off that show and be strong enough to take ourselves out of the moment and separate the tv from our traumas. We have to practice. We have to tell ourselves that it's ok to have our slip ups, but don't forget how far you have come. Try to focus on little steps forward. Talk to someone about the show you watched, not like a confession, but explain to a friend why the show was difficult or had an impact. I told my boyfriend about the newest series I started and had to stop after the 3rd one, because I knew it was going to get bad further on. We talked about the show and he mentioned looking up the show ahead of time to see if the plot maybe ok not to see. He also recommend my favorite show the office, which is always a yes to watch. I'm not saying we survivors have to avoid tv and movies that feature drama, but make ourselves more aware. Each experience like this just makes us stronger.
We are not perfect, and we all have a lower days. This was a new topic for me. We are survivors. We are getting stronger to telling our stories as stories and not traumas. We are thrivers. We find ways and paths to make toward happiness and try everyday. We're all getting there, so keep looking forward.
-DC xoxo
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5.08.2017
5.02.2017
Why 13 Reasons Are Not Enough
A lot of buzz has been going around about the latest Netflix show success. Here are some things to consider before watching it, and to think about what you have heard about it. If you have experience trauma, especially as a teenager or earlier, or any trauma at all tread with caution.
Here is what I have to say about the show. Looking back, it probably would have been a good idea to just not watch it, but I decided to watch it out of curiousity hoping that I could find someone who understood what my childhood, teens, and college years traumas. In a lot of ways, the high school girl who is the mainUIKeyInputDownArrow character, really felt like me in the series. I can think of all her experiences in my life. I have been through what she has.
But the show also focuses on bullying and sexual assault, rape and suicide. As she records 13 tapes to leave for the 13 people who had a large impact on her depression, we look back at her past as it explains how she was bullied and also, the impact it played in her life. As someone who has experienced bullying, its not just getting picked on, it's like someone putting a weight on your shoulder each time it happens. After so much weight that you cannot carry on your shoulders leaves a person lost and lonely.
So here is how the show has impacted me. It makes me think about how my life, my trauma, was built. How no one knew what state I was in of depression in high school. It reminded me of the people who said things to me that I'll never forget, the way they made me feel, and how it's made a difference as an adult. It makes me reflect on past relationships that were damaging. But most importantly it shows how serious and common mental illness really is. It's common, and should not be a stigma.
The articles I have read that speak about the show and how parents should watch with their teens, and know that there are outlets and support groups, etc. I look back when I was teenager and think, "would i have even listened to them or evern came to them about my problems?" I most likely would have talked to my friends. Back to the articles, i dont' think the articles come close to touching the points of the show. I very well could be biased about how people will never understand that state of mind, unless you have been through some real shit.
Ive seen letters sent home to parents about how to talk to your kids about depression and suicide signs. I really hope that this show opens minds to how serious, HOW SERIOUS, this topic is. It's not about parents saying "you need an attitude adjustment", or "stop looking for attention", or "get over it".
Now as an adult at 28yrs old, this show was the biggest trigger I have ever had in my life. It hit on every trauma I have had since being a teenager. In high school I remember reading this poster on a teachers podium that read "people may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you make them feel." THAT IS THE MOST TRUE THING I HAVE EVER LEARNED.
My advice to parents is to watch it. Watch it without your kids first. Sit them down and talk to them as a supportive outlet. Let them know they can talk to anyone, not only you. Talk to them about options. Parents, research and teach yourself to be aware of behavior changes. Things that they once had interest in, and don't care about anymore. Look for isolation. Look for sudden changes out of the blue. I'm speaking from experience, but there are many online sites with more tips about the subject.
3 times. 3 times I have thought that I wasn't good enough for my life. I felt that my relationships, romantically, friendships, and family relationships would never change. The 26 yrs of the trauma I kept inside took a toll. The words people would say to me, stuck. I couldn't talk to anyone, family or friends, because of the responses I would get when I tried to talk for support. After the 1st time, I figured out that I didn't want to live life that I have. But that doens't make everything go away. It take s practice. Parents be there for your kids, if you don't think they aren't listening they are. If they roll their eyes, they are listening.
Parents here are sites to consider talking points to start the conversation:
https://www.jedfoundation.org/13-reasons-why-talking-points/
https://www.save.org/13-reasons-why/
Please know that you are never alone and loved more that you will know.
Xoxo - DC
Here is what I have to say about the show. Looking back, it probably would have been a good idea to just not watch it, but I decided to watch it out of curiousity hoping that I could find someone who understood what my childhood, teens, and college years traumas. In a lot of ways, the high school girl who is the mainUIKeyInputDownArrow character, really felt like me in the series. I can think of all her experiences in my life. I have been through what she has.
But the show also focuses on bullying and sexual assault, rape and suicide. As she records 13 tapes to leave for the 13 people who had a large impact on her depression, we look back at her past as it explains how she was bullied and also, the impact it played in her life. As someone who has experienced bullying, its not just getting picked on, it's like someone putting a weight on your shoulder each time it happens. After so much weight that you cannot carry on your shoulders leaves a person lost and lonely.
So here is how the show has impacted me. It makes me think about how my life, my trauma, was built. How no one knew what state I was in of depression in high school. It reminded me of the people who said things to me that I'll never forget, the way they made me feel, and how it's made a difference as an adult. It makes me reflect on past relationships that were damaging. But most importantly it shows how serious and common mental illness really is. It's common, and should not be a stigma.
The articles I have read that speak about the show and how parents should watch with their teens, and know that there are outlets and support groups, etc. I look back when I was teenager and think, "would i have even listened to them or evern came to them about my problems?" I most likely would have talked to my friends. Back to the articles, i dont' think the articles come close to touching the points of the show. I very well could be biased about how people will never understand that state of mind, unless you have been through some real shit.
Ive seen letters sent home to parents about how to talk to your kids about depression and suicide signs. I really hope that this show opens minds to how serious, HOW SERIOUS, this topic is. It's not about parents saying "you need an attitude adjustment", or "stop looking for attention", or "get over it".
Now as an adult at 28yrs old, this show was the biggest trigger I have ever had in my life. It hit on every trauma I have had since being a teenager. In high school I remember reading this poster on a teachers podium that read "people may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you make them feel." THAT IS THE MOST TRUE THING I HAVE EVER LEARNED.
My advice to parents is to watch it. Watch it without your kids first. Sit them down and talk to them as a supportive outlet. Let them know they can talk to anyone, not only you. Talk to them about options. Parents, research and teach yourself to be aware of behavior changes. Things that they once had interest in, and don't care about anymore. Look for isolation. Look for sudden changes out of the blue. I'm speaking from experience, but there are many online sites with more tips about the subject.
3 times. 3 times I have thought that I wasn't good enough for my life. I felt that my relationships, romantically, friendships, and family relationships would never change. The 26 yrs of the trauma I kept inside took a toll. The words people would say to me, stuck. I couldn't talk to anyone, family or friends, because of the responses I would get when I tried to talk for support. After the 1st time, I figured out that I didn't want to live life that I have. But that doens't make everything go away. It take s practice. Parents be there for your kids, if you don't think they aren't listening they are. If they roll their eyes, they are listening.
Parents here are sites to consider talking points to start the conversation:
https://www.jedfoundation.org/13-reasons-why-talking-points/
https://www.save.org/13-reasons-why/
Please know that you are never alone and loved more that you will know.
Xoxo - DC
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